This week’s recommendation is from a relatively new writer in the SVM fandom. Oh No! Vampire Bill is Miral’s sixth SVM fic, and I found it through a thread post. nycsnowbird was so tickled by this fic, she posted a quote and I immediately ran off to read the story.
"Of course, what Bill didn't know was that Eric and Niall had known each other for hundreds of years. The two, fearing their poor comprehension of American slang would be their undoing, had taken an ESL class together during the 1970s. Eric, concerned that his true nature had been revealed when someone asked him if he were ready to "get down," had responded by killing that person. Niall, similarly, had killed a man for shouting "Fairy!" as he had walked past wearing a flowing robe, his long hair upswept in a ponytail."
Fic Name: Oh No! Vampire Bill
Published: August 9, 2010
Status: In-Progress (updated regularly)
Word count: 12,350
Average Reviews per Chapter: 19
Author’s summary of the fic
1,001 Ways Bill Meets his Accidental Final Death. Remember Mr. Bill on SNL? Well, I do. CH won't do it. AB won't do it. I will. Bill dies. In every chapter. Every way imaginable. Please forward ideas. I know I'm not the only one fantasizing about this.
Reviewer's summary of the fic
I don’t think I really need to expand on Miral’s summary. Bill dies in every chapter. *standing ovation*
- Some SVM and/or TRUE BLOOD cannon is referenced.
- While this fic is rated K, there are some T-rated bits sprinkled about.
nycsnowbird describes this fic as “Wile E. Coyote meets TRUE BLOOD,” and she hit the nail on the head. Miral finds humorous, inventive new ways to kill Bill in every chapter. Along the way, she continuously pokes fun at the stodgy Confederate vampire for everything including, but not limited to: his clothing (flame retardant Dockers and Izod alligator shirts), his choice in music (Gregorian Death Chants, anyone?), his penchant for recycling (“Bill was very pleased with the tidy organization of his recycling room. That is, he was pleased until he realized IKEA was a Swedish company.”), his “Sookeh” Southern drawl and his melodramatic emo nature (“Ah will never know the sweet peace and relief that comes with the cessation of life.”).
While jibing Bill every chance she can get, Miral also reminds us just how superior Eric is to Bill in every way, much to Bill’s own chagrin (“Eric, Bill sneered silently to himself. With his keen wit and lighthearted ways. Chiseled features and GQ good looks. Ah hate him, thought Bill.”)
This fic is only five chapters in, but the ways in which Vampire Bill can meet his untimely demise are limitless, and Miral encourages her readers for suggestions.
Why you should read it
If the review didn’t get you popping on over to the fic, here are some more reasons to check it out:
- Bill. Dies. In. Every. Chapter.