Definitely Dead (Book 6)

Definitely Dead (Sookie Stackhouse, Book 6) by Charlaine Harris

The Plot

Charlaine Harris didn’t set a time frame for the first five Sookie books until Hurricane Katrina forced her hand in her sixth book, Definitely Dead, with the main story set in New Orleans. Definitely Dead takes place in March 2005, before Hurricane Katrina hit in August. It’s approximately two weeks after the short story, One Word Answer, and two months after Eric lost his memory in Dead to the World. With the release of Dead in the Family, we’re able to see the short time frame between all ten Sookie books, and five side-stories: less than two years, from early summer 2004 to March 2006.

Definitely Dead is one of my favorite SVM books because the main story takes place in my hometown of New Orleans. It also introduces us to Amelia, ectoplasmic Hadley, Sophie-Anne, Andre, and has the reveal of Bill’s Even Bigger Betrayal. The first half of the Definitely Dead is set in Bon Temps and Shreveport, and is a little jumbled. The second half has Sookie in New Orleans, and is more fast-paced and focused.

Part I: Sookie in Bon Temps/Shreveport

The book begins with Sookie and Claude doing a photo-shoot for Claude’s entrance in the Mr. Romance competition for Romantic Times Book Reviews magazine. Maria-Star is the photographer’s assistant, and is now dating Alcide, whose father in the previous book was killed by the evil new Packmaster of Shreveport.

Bill is making a bad habit of bringing his new girlfriend, Selah Pumphrey, into Merlotte’s in an ill-conceived effort to make Sookie jealous. This highlights Bill’s douche-baggery because he only succeeds in making both women feel insecure and uncomfortable. Sookie reads Selah’s thoughts, which tell her that Selah feels superior to Sookie, but believes because Sook is uneducated and poor, she must be a better lay than Selah. That doesn’t make any sense (even to Sookie), but it made me both dislike, yet feel sorry for Selah. It also made me want to slap Bill upside the head for using both women in such a way so he could feel better about himself.

Merlotte’s is about to close for the night, when Quinn walks in. (Fun Fact: Quinn shifts into a Bengal tiger which is the mascot of LSU.) Quinn asks Sookie out on a date, and tells her about Queen Sophie-Anne’s request for Sookie’s services at the vampire summit. Sookie says that Eric has already requested her, but Quinn points out that the Queen’s bid cancels out Eric’s. Sookie doesn’t want to tell Eric this, because ever since she told him exactly what happened when he lost his memory, and stayed with her:

“He didn’t talk to me anymore. He stared at me when we met, as if he were trying to resurrect his own memories of that time, to prove me wrong. It made me sad to see that the relationship we’d had—not the secret happiness of the few days he’d spent with me, but the entertaining relationship between a man and a woman who had little in common but a sense of humor—didn’t seem to exist anymore.”

Eric’s standoffishness is evident the next night when Sookie gets a call from Pam, summoning her to Fangtasia. Sookie doesn’t want to see Eric, and Pam asks if she’s being “recalcitrant.” Sookie says, “He can haul his ass over here if he wants to tell me something. Or he can pick up the telephone his ownself.” Sookie tells Pam she can’t come anyway, because she has a date. Pam says, “Oh, that’s rich … Oh, I’m going to love telling him that,” which makes Sookie begin to feel “uneasy.”

Sookie and Pam talk about Eric’s nude calendar proofs, and how Pam will be in the calendar for men. Sookie is surprised, and Pam replies, “Eric tells me to pose, I pose.” I love this conversation between them because it’s snarky Pam at her best, but also shows that Pam is ever the good vampire child, obeying Eric’s wishes without question.

Eric shows up at Sookie’s wanting to know why she didn’t come to Fangtasia. He then notices she’s all glammed up, but not for him. He’s not happy, and says Sookie should be his. Sookie replies, “If you care for me, you’re showing it in a mighty strange way,” and that Eric should be making more efforts instead of having his flunkies call her.

“You’re calling Pam a flunky?” He had a ghost of a smile on his lips. Then he got back to being miffed. I could tell because he began dropping his contractions. “I do not have to hang around you to show you. I am sheriff. You … you are in my retinue.”

Sookie’s mouth falls to the floor, before she angrily tells him to stuff it. “I’m not obliged to go anywhere with you. You got outranked, buddy.” Eric’s all, “Buddy? Buddy?” just as Quinn pulls up in a Lincoln Continental to pick Sookie up for their date. (Ooh, is that an LSU fight song I hear?… Hold that tiger! ... Hold that tiger!) Eric’s left standing on Sookie’s front porch, but I do believe the Viking deserved it in this instance, and it was the only time I actually didn’t mind Quinn showing up, gold hooped earring or not. *snicker*

Back at Merlotte’s, Andy Bellefleur proposes to Halleigh, and the couple start planning a double wedding with Andy’ sister, Portia, and her fiancé at the Bellefleurs’ newly renovated mansion. The Bellefleurs were able to recently upgrade thanks to Bill’s anonymous bequest to the family after he discovered they were his descendants. This is yet another example of how selfish Bill Compton is. Sookie is barely making ends meet as a barmaid with no health insurance, and Bill gives money to the snooty Bellefleurs so they can renovated the family estate? Way to win back Sookie, Bill!

The first half of this book is filled with many sub-plots, and some seem to go nowhere: Holly Cleary’s little boy is missing at school, and Sookie uses her telepathy to help find him; she saves the little boy’s life, and Halleigh’s job as his teacher. Crystal has a miscarriage and won’t go to a doctor, so Jason gets Sookie to call Dr. Ludwig to treat her. Calvin Norris has many children with many different baby mommas; he wants to marry Sookie so they can have a panther pup to introduce new genes into the inbred Hot Shot gene pool. *rolls eyes* Sookie is ambushed by Debbie Pelt’s family who want answers to her disappearance; they don’t get them (yet). Sookie and Quinn go on their date, and are attacked by half-werewolves who were bitten and hired by Debbie’s loser sister, Sandra; the half-weres are caught and later killed in jail. After these empty sub-plots, I was ready for the show to get on the road to New Orleans, and it finally does in the second half of the book.

Part II: Sookie Travels to The Big Easy

Mr. Cataliades, the Queen of Louisiana’s demon lawyer (har, har), shows up in a limo to bring Sookie to New Orleans, so she can claim her inheritance of her definitely dead cousin, Hadley. Hadley was a young vampire, and Queen Sophie-Anne Leclerq’s lover, who was murdered six weeks prior by jealous vampire Waldo. Sophie-Anne has been holding Sookie’s inheritance for her, but Sookie didn’t know Mr. Cataliades was coming because, they soon discover, the part-demon messenger, Gladiola (Mr. C’s niece), was killed days before outside Sookie’s house. (This is so silly, seriously, has Mr. C not heard of a phone or email? Does the Queen of Louisiana not have a fax machine? Federal Express is pretty damn efficient; heck, even the U.S. Postal Service can deliver certified mail on time, return receipt requested. In addition, after all these days no one was looking for Gladiola?) They soon discover her body. She was cut in half, killed instantly, by a silver sword, and placed in Sookie’s garden by an unknown assassin.

After a little demon burning in Sooks’ gravel driveway, they travel to New Orleans with Bill in tow. Sookie arrives exhausted at Hadley’s apartment, and goes to sleep. She is woken the next morning by the landlady, aspiring witch (and loud broadcaster), Amelia Broadway. Amelia had placed a stasis spell on Hadley’s apartment after she died, per Mr. Cataliades’s instructions to “keep the apartment intact.” Amelia also explains that the spell has kept out whoever’s been trying to break into the apartment the last few weeks.

While cleaning out Hadley’s apartment the next day, Sookie and Amelia discover new vampire rising, Jake Purifoy, in the closet. Jake was a Were, and an employee of Quinn’s who’s been missing for weeks. It is nightfall, and Jake attacks them. Sookie and Amelia somehow manage to call the vampire police who show up just in time, and capture Jake. Sooks and Ame, however, have been injured and are brought to the hospital. They are put in separate rooms, and this is when Sookie gets a couple of visitors.

Eric peeks around the curtain first, fangs down cause of all that dang blood in the ER. After a short conversation about the vampire summit, Bill shows up and tells Eric that he’s bothering Sookie. Eric is pissed, “Ask him why he came back to Bon Temps, Sookie.” Oh, snap! Now comes the reveal of Bill’s Even Bigger Betrayal. After an agonizing pause, Bill confesses to Sookie that he was ordered by Sophie-Anne to move back to Bon Temps to seduce her. This makes his affair with Lorena seem a minor transgression, because Sookie realizes her entire relationship with Bill was based on a lie. With tears welling up in her eyes, she angrily tells Bill to get out. He reluctantly leaves, followed by Eric. Sookie is left alone in the hospital, in overwhelming physical and emotional pain.

And what does our Sookster do? Why, she drags herself out of the hospital bed, trudges through the doors of ER, and onto the streets of New Orleans, bleeding, barefoot, bedraggled. She doesn’t know where Hadley’s apartment is, and she’s in the murder capital of the country (minus vamps), but she schleps barefooted out into the night nevertheless. She goes Crazy Sookie Psycho on a homeless man, passes what I’m assuming are numerous bars (but doesn’t go in to slam back a couple of shots? You know those frat boys would’ve bought her a few for sure!). Amazingly, she finds Hadley’s apartment, throws one of Amelia’s potted plants through a glass pane to let herself in, and collapses in bed. The next morning, Claudine shows up, but only to buy Sookie a pretty dress for her meeting with Sophie-Anne. Claudine’s got her priorities, and they, at times, tend towards saving Sookie from fashion, rather than life, disasters. Although Claudine never did save Sooks from those damn scrunchies and banana clip horrors, but I digress.

In her spanking new dress and bandaged arm, Sookie goes to see Sophie-Anne, and her new husband, the King of Arkansas, Peter Threadgill. Sookie meets Sophie-Anne’s main bodyguard, Andre, and sub-bodyguards, brothers Wybert and Sigebert. She also sees Peter’s scary bodyguard, Weed-Wacked haired do’ed Jade Flowers, who walks around with a large steel sword strapped to her back. The marriage between Sophie-Anne and Peter is a power alliance, not a love match. Sookie makes a huge mental note.

Back at Hadley’s apartment, Amelia does an ectoplasmic reconstruction (we’ll call it the ecto-recon) with three of her witch friends, so they might discover what happened to Jake. Sophie-Anne gets wind of this and invites herself to view it, with Andre, and Jade Flowers in tow, as Peter’s spy. The ecto-recon scene is actually pretty cool, with a mute Ectoplasmic Hadley sadly getting ready for a pre-wedding party of Sophie-Anne and Peter. The scene is touching, and shows the love Sophie-Anne had for Hadley, as she gets choked up watching the vision of her definitely dead lover crying in front of her ghostly mirror. The ecto-recon reveals that Jake, the valet, is murdered by someone in the shadows. Hadley discovers Jake, feels bad, and turns him into a vampire (silly girl). Hadley stuffs him in her closet, leaving him there for Sookie and Amelia to find weeks later.

After the ecto-recon, Sophie-Anne invites Sookie back into Hadley’s apartment with Andre. Sophie-Anne tells Sookie the story of her life, then mentions a missing bracelet that her husband had given her, and that she believes Hadley took and hid somewhere. Sophie-Anne seems to mention this in passing, but it turns out to be something critical that if not found, will void her marriage to Peter, allowing him to cede all of her territories and possessions for himself. Sophie-Anne doesn’t say that at this point, and you’d think she’d make a bigger deal of it, but our Sooks nevertheless realizes the gravity of the missing bracelet, and promises to return it to Sophie-Anne if she finds it. Sophie-Anne then says they must pretend they’ve just had sex so Jade Flowers won’t be wondering what they were doing all this time in the apartment. (Ah, maybe Sophie-Anne could’ve skipped the story of her life part, and jumped to “Finding The Bracelet That Could Bring Down My Kingdom,” ya think?) Sookie’s like, “Yeah, I don’t do chicks.” Sophie-Anne’s like, “Ok, then you just boinked Andre.” Andre’s sniff, sniffing on Sookie, and declares,”Fairy!” Sooks, “Yeah, right,” until Andre tastes her blood, confirming said vintage. Sophie-Anne’s all proud, “He has a nose for it.”

The next day, Sookie dons a pair of Hadley’s black spandex pants and a hot pink tank top, makes out with Quinn in Hadley’s kitchen, causing him to jizz in his pants. For reals. Ok, so the Viking is guilty of same, when he fed Sookie his blood in Jackson, and in Rhodes, but neither time did he say afterwards, “Babe, I haven’t come like that since I was seventeen, in the backseat of my dad’s car with Ellie Hopper.” Ah, no. Just, no.

Sookie doesn’t have time to say, “Wah?” cause a bunch of Weres barge in, and drag off Sookie and Quinn. Turns out, the Weres were hired by Debbie Pelt’s family. *rolls eyes* Sookie and Quinn manage to escape, Quinn shifts into the LSU mascot, and they go for a nasty swim in the swamps. When they get out of the water and Quinn is human again, Sooks exclaims how Quinn’s naked body looks better than a Happy Meal to a three-year-old. (Girlfriend, are you seriously a grown-ass woman right now?) Sookie is soon rescued by Eric who is awesome, laughing at a wet, muddy Sookie as she’s rolling around with Sandra Pelt on the floor, “This is actually kind of exciting…I’m enjoying the wriggling around.” Later, Sookie mentions having fairy blood, and Eric says, “That explains a lot.” This hurts Sookie’s feeling, but Quinn shows up to say he doesn’t care much about fairies. Has Quinn not seen Claudine yet? Anyway, the kidnapping scene ends with Sookie, Eric by her side, finally telling the Pelt family what happened to Debbie. The mother and father take it surprisingly well, but bitchy Sandra does not, which tells us that DP ain’t finished bugging the shit out of us yet.

Next up: The Monastery Monster Mash-Up. Sophie-Anne and Peter Threadgill, are throwing a party at the Queen’s compound that was once a monastery in the Garden District in New Orleans. Quinn escorts Sookie who is wearing an itsy bitsy dress borrowed from Amelia, and two huge-ass bandages on her injured arms. Sooks saves the day, Sophie-Anne’s life, and her Kingdom by packing a tampon and superglue (don’t ask) that she uses to sneak in the bracelet, and slip to Sophie-Anne just in time for Peter to ask where the heck the bracelet is. This seems slightly contrived to me, because everything is resting on this bracelet that Hadley stole in her confusion and grief from Sophie-Anne? And Peter was counting on Hadley doing that and hiding it, even after her death? But none of that matters because one of Peter’s dreadlocked vamps decides to start the fighting anyway by whacking off a ‘Bert bros’ head. During the ensuing brawl, Eric shows up to kiss Sookie passionately, pick up the head, and make the famous crack about bowling for vampires. Jade Flowers is killed by Bill, and Peter Threadgill is offed by Andre, and a lot of other vamps and supes die in the fighting. Sookie escapes with Quinn, but not gracefully: she jumps off the brick wall, and lands on her butt with her boobs hanging out of her dress.

Sookie and Quinn are soon picked up in a limo by Sophie-Anne and Andre. Sookie explains how she solved the mystery of the demon-messenger’s death back in Bon Temps: by calling a fuckton of gas stations between New Orleans and Bon Temps, and finding someone who remembered seeing Jade Flowers. Really? That is like a five or six hour drive between New Orleans and Shreveport (or fictional Bon Temps), and it ain’t interstate most of the way. Can you imagine how many friggin’ gas stations there would be? What are the chances that Sooks would find the one gas station where Jade Flowers stopped to get gas? And all of that to stop a messenger from telling Sookie that Mr. C was coming anyway to bring her to New Orleans? Just seems like a lot of effort for nothing.

Sookie also solves the murder of Jake Purifoy: Jade killed Jake to discredit Hadley, because that would discredit Sophie-Anne, and benefit Peter Threadgill. And why was Jade trying to break into Hadley’s apartment? To steal back the bracelet that Hadley had stolen from Sophie-Anne. Oh, and about the bracelet: Sooks found it in the tin of Community Coffee. Hadley had put it in the tin, and re-sealed it to make it look like it was unopened. But what was the point, because Sookie just shook it accidently, and heard the bracelet in there. Anyways…

The book ends on a good note, with Sookie and Amelia driving back to Bon Temps together. Amelia has decided to flee New Orleans after accidently turning Bob, her new boyfriend, into a cat. Gotta love that Amelia!

Characters

Sookie – She’s pretty kick-ass and funny in this book. She’s Crazy Sookie ingenious with the tampons, super glue, gas station phone calls, and saving the Queen of Louisiana’s ass. Sookie’s feelings, though are still are mess, although there’s a telling moment in the beginning when Sookie is driving in her car. She’s thinking of Eric because “it was the kind of day you wanted to share with the person you cared about, the person whose company you enjoyed the most.” But that was the cursed Eric, not the restored Eric who “was wary of me, was fond of me, and didn’t trust me (or his feelings) an inch.” I can’t blame Sookie for thinking this because of the way Eric is avoiding her at the moment. Quinn, however, is a poor substitute; anyone who “kisses like he’s carrying on a conversation” is not the guy for you, Sooks. JS.

Eric – He doesn’t appear for long, but the scenes where he shows up are significant. Eric seems to be in shock by the revelation of what happened when he lost his memory, and he’s dealing with it by avoiding Sookie. After he’s left on Sookie’s porch when she goes on her date with Quinn, Eric starts acting more like himself. He’s funny and teasing again, and of course he gives us the “bowling for vampires” line. Eric, FTW!

Bill – He is a model for the Vampire Ex Behaving Badly. He flaunts Seleh Pomphrey in Sookie’s face. Then, there is the admission of the Even Bigger Betrayal. The only good thing he does is kill Jade Flowers before she kills Sookie in the Monastery Monster Mash-Up.

Pam – Eric’s child has an awesome phone conversation with Sookie where you can hear her snickering. She sends a nervous Felicia to Merlotte’s under the guise of meeting Sookie Stackhouse, Fangtasia bartender killer. *snort*

Amelia – From the first moment we meet her, when she’s annoyingly pinching Sookie’s toes to wake her, to her accidently turning Bob into a cat, Amelia is pure WIN. I was so happy when the book ends with her and Sookie driving off to Bon Temps together.

Hadley – Sookie’s cousin only appears as an ectoplasmic reconstruction, not even a ghost, so it’s hard to get to know her in this book. There’s more of Hadley’s history in One Word Answer. Sookie sees her as the polar opposite of herself, and does not look upon her kindly; Hadley did do some stupid things. However, during her undead life, Hadley acquired the love and affection of someone as old and powerful as Sophie-Anne, and it wasn’t because of the fairy blood.

Sophie-Anne – The Queen of Louisiana is 1,100 years old, truly loved Hadley, has had the devotion of Andre, Sigebert, and Weybert for hundreds of years. She does not play Yatzee. Enough said.

Andre – Sophie-Anne’s most loyal attendant has a nose for smelling Fairies and reading lips. He also frightens the hell out of Sookie.

Quinn – Although I shuddered from the very first “babe” utterance, Quinn does have one great scene, when he picks up Sookie for their first date. Eric angrily exclaims, “This woman has been mine, and will be mine.” Quinn asks Sookie if she’s Eric’s or not, and Sookie declares, “Not.” I could feel the anger rolling off the Viking. Quinn, as Sookie’s suitor, serves a valuable purpose in this book: he shows Eric that Sookie is not to be taken for granted. I also loved that once Quinn’s service to the vamps ends, he can always reside in a cage on the Baton Rouge campus. Geaux, LSU!

Some Gripes I Have:

1. I’ll call this the “Where’s Waldo Problem”: nowhere in this book is there a reference to CH’s side-story, One Word Answer, which is a pre-requisite before reading Definitely Dead. I bought and devoured Books 1-9, just like everyone else, but, other than Dracula Night, I didn’t know the existence of any of the side stories. Most of these short stories can stand on their own, and are now compiled in one book, A Touch of Dead. However, to fully understand Hadley’s death, one needs to read One Word Answer before Definitely Dead. When I first read this book, and got to the Hadley part in New Orleans with the mentions of murderer Waldo, I thought I’d lost my mind. I kept going back through prior pages, even pulling out Books 4 and 5, and re-reading parts, thinking I’d forgotten or missed something. Duh. Now I know better.

2. Charlaine Harris didn't chart Sookie's family tree very well in this one. In my re-reading of this book, I realized CH was confused about how Sookie is related to Hadley and Linda, Hadley’s mother, which, in turn, made me once again feel like I was losing my mind (which isn’t hard to do, hehe). On page 284, CH refers to Linda as Sookie's mother's sister. Later, CH has Sookie find photos in Hadley's safe-deposit box of "my mother and her sister." (p. 294). Why would Hadley have this picture unless CH was implying that Sookie’s mother’s sister was Hadley's mother? CH established in One Word Answer, and in books following Definitely Dead, that Hadley's mother was Sookie's father's sister. Gran was Hadley’s grandmother, Niall was her great-grandfather, thus Hadley, like Sookie, was part Fairy. Sookie’s mother is barely mentioned in any of the other books. So, what the hell was CH smoking when she wrote this?

3. More confusion to bug the crap out of me: Eric on p. 181, says, “We have a bond. I’ve had your blood, when you needed strength to free Bill in Jackson.” Ah, unless bloodletting is once again deemed a healthy medical practice, I would disagree. And we all know that Sookie had Eric’s blood in that scene in Club Dead, not vice versa. I can see an author making mistakes, but why don’t CH’s editors catch this stuff?

That said, CH does create memorable characters; some are so inspired and beloved, we are in their thrall. So, I take these annoying errors that drive me crazy, cause you know, she gave us the Viking. Enough said.

Rating

What I loved: Sookie has some awesome and funny moments in this book. There’s also the introduction of memorable characters: Amelia, Hadley, Sophie-Anne, and Andre. Eric's behavior towards Sookie is interesting. The setting in New Orleans is fun. We find out that Bill is a bigger douche than we thought, and there’s something else fairy different about Sookie. Finally, Hadley has Community Coffee in her kitchen; I heart CH for that!

What I didn’t like: all the subplots. Although CH introduces characters and situations that carry on later, or into subsequent books, it feels messy. Finally, it doesn’t have enough of the Viking, and has too much of the tiger and Debbie Pelt’s white trash family. But for me, the pros outweigh the cons. So, I give it: