Dead Until Dark (Book1)

Dead Until Dark: A Sookie Stackhouse Novel by Charlaine Harris

Another girl in another small town that has another hell-mouth? With all the supernatural’s gravitating toward Bon Temps, they should have their own personal slayer or something because it’s ridiculous over there. Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris introduces us to this world. Merlotte’s Bar and Grille is the happening (and only) joint in the whole town and everyone loves it and hangs out there.

Sookie seems to LOVE her job. She never really complains about it, she’s just like hi-ho it’s off to work I go and then skips along her way and loves her boss and her co-workers (at least in this book) and is just a happy-go-lucky twenty-five year old virgin. That’s the premise.

What about the story? Shouldn’t there be broody vampires in this small town? There’s ALWAYS a sullen, Debbie-downer vamp in these stories. ALWAYS.

LET’S MEET SOOKIE
So Sookie live with her Gran and loves her and looks up to her. SHE IS JUST AWESOME. Sookie and her grandmother love to cook and clean and flap their women empowerment cape*. Sookie wants to be JUST like Gran when she grows up. Whenever that is.

Oh! But wait, there’s a vampire everybody; and he is dreaamyyy. Sookie falls hook, line and sinker and that’s all there is to it. She can’t hear the thoughts, he’s weird just like her and he’s got his own house so he can’t free-load off her. Which would be useless because, remember this, it’s very important, if you forget the entire balance of the whole series will be off, it’s a bit of a secret, but...Sookie is poor...shhhhhhhhh

Also, her brother is accused of murder. I don’t really remember this bit in the book. Was it emphasized much? Can’t recall and don’t really care. Jason is a bastard (in the book). I don’t like him (in the book).

MOVING ON, someone is killing all these fangbanging (“What’s a fangbanger?” Season 1 episode 1...this line makes me shit my pants laughing. OH GRAN!) whores who really just want to have a good time. Why would someone kill them? Who doesn’t like sex with Eric (*cough*), I mean a vampire? First one on the hit-list...Maudette. Essentially, she doesn’t exist in this book, thank GOD. Who’s next? Who is it? WHO is it? Dawn. Aw Sookie, your co-worker, that’s too bad. You never mention her again, but you know, she meant SO much. I think it was the first dead-body Sookie ever saw, too(besides Bill).

So Sookie becomes Nancy Buffy and sets off into the hell-mouth with a stake and cape ready to do right and triumph over evil. Until her Gran dies. Gran gets murdered and Bill is there to pick up the pieces. The day after Gran - her whole world, her only parent, her roommate, her friend - gets killed, Bill swoops in and takes her virginity. He’s rather nice about it, Sookie wants it, it’s painful for like a SECOND and then it’s hot-hot-hot. WOOO the couple did it halfway through the first book and we didn’t have to wait until they got married and had a half-vampire-half-human baby! It’s so romantic, ya’ll!

So Sookie is semi-in-love and forgets about the murders for a little bit while she gets acquainted with Bill’s zexy body. Bill gets to show off his bathroom to Sookie too, something he’s VERY proud of. He has a portable spa with jets and “you can adjust individually so each person can get the right force of water. It’s a hot tub” (154). THANKS FOR THAT BILL.

Sookie is SO interested too. This is the conversation they have. I kid you not. Domestic bliss and Sookie likes it. He may be dead when the sun’s up but he’s just as boring and Southern as her when he’s alive, which is like her perfect man. “I like to shower. And I like to lie in warm water (154).” NEWSFLASH! He likes cleanliness! He’s a keeper, Sook.

And they lived happily ever after.

Nope, wait, there’s more! Sookie gets some sense after she tells Bill her biggest darkest secret (so far) that her Uncle Bartlett was a dirty old pervert bastard and he used to touch her when she was little. Sookie feels better that she’s confided to her man and feels as if their relationship is at a whole new level and they are BETTER THAN EVER. Until Uncle Bartlett dies like THE NEXT DAY. Coincidence? I think not! So this little gem of information turns Sookie off the most-perfect-man-in-the-dead-world and asks him for a little time.

“I love you. I don’t know why, but I do. I want to call you all those gooshy words you use when you love someone, no matter how stupid it sounds since you’re a vampire. I want to tell you you’re my baby, that I’ll love you till we’re old and gray – thought that not gonna happen. That I know you’ll always be true to me – hey, that’s not gonna happen, either. I keep running up against a brick wall when I try to tell you I love you, Bill” (167).

WHOA. And that, ladies and gentleman is that. Nope, their separation doesn’t last long because Bill says, “We should definitely not be kissing. Still less should I want to throw you back on the porch and fuck you till you faint” (168). Nice. They do just that. Except we don’t see it. And then they go back to being on “a break”.

Tra la la la, Sookie discovers Rene is the murderer. Really, there’s not much else to say for this book. Except for the scene when she makes the quick decision to either be killed or have sex with Bill. Since there are nine other books, it’s safe to say which one she chooses.

And so begins the fall from Bill. It’s like Sookie climbed a really big mountain and reached the top, which was by the end of this book, and she’s looking around she’s all like ‘this is good, I like this. Bill is good. Good. Good, good, good.’ And then, Bill comes charging at her and she falls off the cliff with jagged rocks at every surface and then she lands on a small ledge that seems relatively safe. It’s not as high as she once was, but it’s still pretty good and then Club Dead rolls around and Bill KICKS her off the ledge and she just goes SMASH, CRUNCH, BREAK, BLOOD, GUTS, OW and then she lands on regular ground and she’s broken and messy and then she stays that way for a while.

When she gets back up and healed, she's like, oh, this is great, I think I can walk again;and then Bill crashes her back into the mountain again and she’s like WHEN WILL I LEARN? That’s how her relationship with Bill is like from this book onward. It’s still vague enough that if you hate spoilers then you really don’t know what the hell I mean.


LET’S MEET BILL
Sookie’s one and only, her true love, her happily ever after, her vampire, her protector, the best sex of her life is...not this guy.

Oh Bill. You know, I definitely understand why the ladies fall for you. After this book, I don’t, but for this one, it is justifiable. He is a gentleman to Gran and seems to be the perfect definition of the ‘boy next door’... or, you know, ‘the dead man across the cemetery’.

I never understood why he went with the Rattray’s, unless he was planning on drinking their blood or having sex. And I never understood how he got brought down by two slow, trailer trash hicks. How could he not know that they were V dealers? Can’t vampire smell other vampire blood in humans? I think he knew and I think he set it up so Sookie would save him. Because voila, the next night he is LATE and Sookie gets beat up. What the hell? I’ve never heard of a vampire being LATE, unless they were too busy to show up on time because they were LURKING or STALKING. What’d’ya say about that, Billy?

Oh he doesn’t say anything but, “DRINK MY BLOOD! MUAHAHAHAHA!” No he’s not particularly sinister, he’s just being cryptic and withholding, which is the definition of Bill, among some other colourful words.

So, it’s nice to see that the romantic hero does not save the day in the end. He was getting a promotion in New Orleans instead.


LET’S MEET SAM
So Sam is a bar owner who lives in a trailer. He’s Sookie’s boss and he wants to get in her pants and have her telepathic doggy babies. A thought has come to mind, would the baby shift in her stomach? Like OH it’s a full moon, Sookie, brace yourself you’re going to get a second womb because that’s all the baby sees and can only shift into that, and since the moon is full it HAS to morph! Or would it pick its daddy’s favourite shift? So she has a puppy in her stomach?

Ignore me.

Anyway, so Sam is all longingly gazing at Sookie all the time and sometimes neglects his job because he just loves to STARE. He never steps up until Sookie gets a boyfriend. I don’t know what the fuck Sam was thinking. Did he expect her to be a lonely old spinster and he’d step up to the plate once his life ‘settled down’. What? It’s a bit suspicious when I think about it. Maybe he thought Sookie was a lesbian and when he saw she was interested in a dead man he’s like YESSSS I CAN MAKE MY MOVE. Who knows what a lonely man in a trailer thinks?

So they have their first date around the time where Sookie and Bill are still figuring each other out, so just like always, SAM HAS THE WORST TIMING EVER. Sookie’s not feeling it. She wants to be with Bill and poor puppy is not getting a second glance. So Sam is pushed back and nobody remembers him for the rest of the book, at least I don’t.


LET’S MEET ERIC
To get information about the murders of Dawn and Maudette Sookie must go to the vampire bar because the dead women were found with bite marks (!). So Bill, reluctantly (I wonder why), takes her to Fangtasia owned by the most powerful and oldest vampire in the area. Sookie sits there minding her own business, listening to thoughts, disgusted by the regulars when her and Bill start talking about him leaving her so she could hang with other dudes because he’s under the impression she’s like that (?). And Bill is the one to point out, “The vampire over there is handsome; he has scanned you twice” (105). And lo and behold there he is: Eric. After Sookie describes the handsome devil she says: “He scared me to death” (105). Eric is intrigued by Sookie right off the bat. Sookie acknowledges his beauty and that’s pretty much it. There’s no bolt of lightning and she doesn’t pounce from Bill and into Eric’s lap. It’s just a new vampire, someone she has to interrogate for the sake of Bon Temps, her ONLY CONSISTENT LOVE. Sookie asks questions, Eric answers, seemingly, honestly and admits to sleeping with Dawn and that Dawn liked sexy pain.

Yeah, Sookie is just as unimpressed as I am.

Eric tries to glamour Sookie and it doesn’t work, OMGWTF. Sookie is immune to that trickery and she is uncomfortable with his fuck-eyes (I am not). I have always found this passage interesting. This gem is from Bill:

 “Eric is much better looking than I am. He is more powerful, and I understand sex with him is unforgettable. He is so old he only needs to take a sip to maintain his strength. He almost never kills anymore. So, as vampires go, he’s a good guy. You could still go with him. He is still looking at you. He would try his glamour on you if you were not with me” (108-109).

Thanks for that Bill. You’re basically suggesting Sookie’s a whore. I mean, that’s a nice compliment to Eric and all, but, this passage bugs me even if it is so COMPLETELY TRUE. Anyway, the raid happens and Eric realizes Sookie is a telepath and then POOF he drives away all cool like the sexy beast he is.

Alright. At this point I didn’t think much of Eric. I didn’t think much of Bill either, but Eric was just a meh thing. He doesn’t have much of a personality in this first sequence. He’s very straightforward and very powerful, other than that there is no teasing, no smiling – it’s all business.

Now that Eric knows Sookie’s deep-dark secret he calls on her again to deal with his pesky money problems. Sookie complies, strikes a deal with the SEXY VAMPIRE and discovers its Long Shadow stealing Eric’s money and while her broody, glaring boy-toy stands off to the side, tall, blond and VIKING fucking KEEEELS Long Shadow for attacking her. Me and Sookie are like WTF? WHERE WAS BILL? I honestly was surprised by this. Isn’t the romantic thing to do is kill the guy who’s killing your girlfriend? Don’t women want that in a man? Instead we got this guy who is not her boyfriend, or her love interest who kill his co-worker in a heartbeat without much thought. Alright. So is this Eric? He seems like a cool guy, I remember thinking. A nice fellow. He seems to be on Sookie’s side. Since there’s a murderer after her this could be beneficial, I continued pondering, this is good for the girl.

At the end of the book, when Sookie is in the hospital recovering from Rene’s attack, she looks at all the lovely flower arrangements that people so kindly, altruistically sent to her. Aww...Right? It’s all good intentions, RIGHT!? Then – WAIT, THIS is the moment we see that the powerful Sherriff sexy vampire is a bit...cheeky. And I think, this guy is funny, he has a personality. He sends Sookie an obscene flower arrangement that has her blushing. BWAHAHA. I LIKE THIS GUY, I realized. THEN, what tops off boring Bill and their smushiness in the hospital wing? ERIC IS FLYING OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL WINDOW GRINNING. OMG. This guy is fucking awesome! Why is she with Boring Bill?

LET’S MEET BUBBA
Hello, Elvis. I mean, Bubba. The Man from Memphis. The King. Every fucking name but his real one. Am I the only one who gets irritated by this? It’s so unnecessary, especially if your dense like me and have no idea who the fuck this Bubba guy is until the third book. Yeesh. Anyway let’s summarize his personality: he’s dumb and likes cats, oh and he’s on Team Bill. Is there anything else? He doesn’t like his real name and prefers to be called the awesome happy shrimp guy from Forrest Gump.

He was sent to protect Sookie and he failed. He pretty much always fails but he brings the lawls with his stupidity and his supreme cock-blocking abilities.

LET’S MEET THE MURDERER
Yo Rene. You were hot as fuck on the show. I was so pissed off that I knew it was you who was the murderer. Anyway, he’s like Arlene’s ex-husband’s second cousin once-removed new fiancée or some shit like that. Arlene’s a whore, Rene’s the murder, thank you and goodnight.

Rene is some self-righteous douche who hates all women. Specifically fang-bangers. He picked the wrong woman to try and kill, because Sookie’s got that sharp cape that she flaps around whenever there’s a threat to her womanlyness. I don’t know. Rene almost kills her but he gets arrested. Honestly, I haven’t read this book in a while and don’t care too much on how it happened. I just remember the show and I know it’s different from the book *DISTINCTION, Alan Ball*.

THE COVER
I have the True Blood tie-in so it’s the lips with blood. But the original is Sookie flying over Bon Temps with Bill. Whatever. It’s cool. I like this artwork, it’s cute and stuff like that. Except BILL CAN’T FLY he can only hover like the hovercraft from Diddy Kong Racing N64 circa 1997. Or one of those Star Wars cars or something. Also, the house is on fire.................................................what? I don’t even care, honestly.

NOTE: I thought about this later and realized it was probably the house that killed Malcolm, Diane and bald-tattoo guy with crazy tongue.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Normally the first book of a series is the best...right? I don’t know. I don’t remember this book like I do the others. The simple fact is that when Missie asked for someone to review DUD for The Sookieverse, nobody really wanted to; that pretty much says a lot. What would I rate this book? How about TWO bloods!

I guess, I mean. I don’t know. It was an introduction to the characters and the only one we really see is Sookie, the other ones are hazed over which is fine for a first book of a series. I like it much better when you understand all the characters quirks and personalities. At this point, it was all very BLEH. I wasn’t interested in reading the second one after this one either, but I did for curiosity purposes and I was waiting for season two. Needless to say, ERIC moved me onto the third one and THEN I was hooked. Whatever, book one was fine, I’ve read better shit. Plus, Rene was like, the lamest villain compared to the rest to come. Poor Sookie.

~greenlemons

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*stolen from blogger/vlogger: bradeatspeeps